found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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