No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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