i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
