im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
