I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
