This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
