after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
