yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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