There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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