Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Randomize
