I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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