i think my tv is drunk
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
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There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
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You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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