Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
