Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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