i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
