I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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