I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize