I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
