he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
