i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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