When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
