hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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