I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
How does one acquire holy water?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
