Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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