A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
