god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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