i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
