Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
