my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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