I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Randomize
