i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
