you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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