I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
