Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
