I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
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I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
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Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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