clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize