She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
