people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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