did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
