JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
