I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
