so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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