dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
