I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Let's get the cat blown out
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
