Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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