I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
