garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My bed smells like the plague
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
