Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
