You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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