I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
