You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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