why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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