I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
MIDGETS
????
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
