So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My vagina just recognized that song.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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