the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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