i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
