; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
