id be glad to
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
