No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
