dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My vagina is officially offended.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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