He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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