Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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