if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
