that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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