He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
