I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
